Happy Mother’s Day
Wishing all Mothers a very Happy Mother’s Day. I see you, I feel you, I honor you.
I know how hard it is to be a woman who takes on so many of the day to day duties to make a family function. Not only might you have a career, but you manage to run the household, as a full-time employee and as a mom and well, you know just about everything else. How “everything” could now mean even more is beyond me. Now along with everything, we are working full-time from home with our kids, and teaching them their school lessons.
I’ve always suggested that my clients let their family know exactly what they want to do for Mother’s Day. I ask them to be intentional and mindful of what they will do for themselves today. Instead of being frustrated on the Monday after Mother’s Day, I suggest clients write a list, share it with their family members, and together check the activities off the list. I’ve also seen how specificity is crucial when it comes to this Mother’s Day wish list. Remember this widespread article,
Women Aren’t Nags—We’re Just Fed Up
Emotional labor is the unpaid job men still don’t understand.
https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a12063822/emotional-labor-gender-equality/
In it, Gemma Hartley shares her Mother’s Day experience when she asked for a cleaning service as her gift. Her husband decided to do the cleaning himself -actually on the Sunday of Mother’s Day, while she fed entertained and managed the children. Specificity helps everyone involved so the message and desires are clear. One other way to do this is to read the book and play the game Fair Play by Eve Rodsky. That would be great Mother’s Day activity! I’ve the book and played the game and highly recommend you do the same. We talked with Eve on Mindfulness at Work-The podcast – take a listen. You’ll learn a lot from her.
I personally didn’t get to my wish list this year. I’ve been asked what I want to do for Mother’s Day several times by my very conscientious oldest daughter. Now it’s time for the coach to practice what I preach and let them know what I want to do for Mother’s Day. I’m usually able to do this but this Mother’s Day I feel somewhat exhausted and unsure what I want and need. Not very mindful-I know.
When my clients are having a hard time knowing what they want to do I ask them to do an exercise devised by the brilliant Dr. Alexandra Solomon. She poses a simple question,
“What would you do on a date with yourself?”
The answer can be complicated if you’ve drifted away from who you are or if you have added stressors or duties that are fogging your clarity.
I’m pretty lucky to have been quarantined with older children and some of the added obligations I have don’t seem so difficult. In fact, there have been some fun and happy celebrations. That’s not to say that having two Seniors lose some of the normal way they celebrate milestones has been easy. We’ve all grieved what normal would have looked like, including me. But we can offer alternatives to these types of celebrations and while they’re certainly not exactly the same, there’s also been some unexpected bright lights. I got to be really present and celebrate the exact end of my son’s Senior Year. Not by flying to his school and joining him at the University to attend the ceremonial pomp and circumstance of marching across the stage to get his diploma but in some simple ways. Like the moment he submitted his last assignment and he was able to interrupt me at my desk and say, “Mom I just submitted my last assignment to college ever, I’m done!” I was moved to tears and able to celebrate with him with a tangible hug instead of a celebratory emoji filled text string. I was able to see him, and really feel the pride he felt. Who knew that would’ve been so great?
But all these moments and emotions, all of this adaptation and worry, leaves me unable to really pinpoint what I want to do on Mother’s Day. If I can’t decide, I wonder how the moms with younger kids can come up with ideas for how they want to spend their day. They are more exhausted then me. I think of the teachers who are teaching on line and parenting full time. I think of the single mothers who don’t have time to do their own work until their children are in bed- that’s when their work day begins? I think of the health care workers who work and parent all while worrying about getting sick themselves or passing it on to their families. They are all wiped out and may not know what they want to do today.
I guess what I wish for us all is a day of rest and renewal. Just one day without worry, without adapting, without coming up with creative activities. If I were to go on a date with myself, I might take some time to write, I might do some yoga, I might get outside for a walk. So today, instead of devising a list and doing things for myself, I’m going to sit back and allow for whatever happens without specifications because I’m too tired to think. I’m going to do some regular activities that make me feel whole. There will be no disappointment tomorrow, just appreciation. I’m really so very grateful to be here celebrating another Mother’s Day. I’m really so lucky to have my amazing mom here, even if it’s only for a drive by wave. I’m also honoring the many women who miss their moms and wishing everyone a restful, non thinking, no planning, mindless Day.
Happy Mother’s Day to you all!
