Holiday & Winter Mindfulness
With the holiday season comes the added pressure to gather, have fun, create memories and feel joyful. Sometimes we enjoy this time and other times, well, we don’t.
In my conversations with clients and colleagues, I constantly hear about the pressure and conflicts that swirl around the attempts at creating joy —extra traffic, the overwhelming feeling of not accomplishing much or being as productive as normal. It can lead to a downward, negative SPIRAL ™ for sure.
Additionally, we are more apt to feel emotionally charged during this time for a variety of reasons—lack of sleep, stress, grief, or missing a loved one. If we try to enjoy the season without being mindful of these factors at play, we have a good chance of failing at creating the intended joy.
There are tools we can use as we gather with our families over the holidays to avoid these pitfalls.
I have compiled the following ideas for you to consider as you set out to survive the holidays. Once you read this, maybe, just maybe, you might even thrive through the holidays! And don’t forget, if you need support, please reach out.
Winter Solstice Mindfulness - what to do on the shortest day of the year?
Revel in the darkness; light a lantern and walk along a path. Remind yourself, of the beautiful pattern of nature that leads us into winter, at the very same time that the days begin to lengthen.
Family
It’s true that we can’t choose our family but what I hear, more often than not, is that my clients would not trade their family members for anything. So, if you wouldn’t change them and you’re not willing to give them up over a difference of opinion; a slight, or an ill-executed holiday dinner; then let’s start by accepting who they are.
There are family situations where we can’t accept certain toxicities and we’ve had to distance ourselves or completely let go of relationships to protect ourselves. That is fine too, albeit not easy. But in certain circumstances it’s better for all. However, if you are going to gather with family, try to adapt the following exercises in order to find more joy in the interaction.
Gear Up and Prepare–
Sometimes we are so rushed getting our checklists completed that we forget to prepare emotionally for our gatherings.
Try Imagining how you want things to go at your next holiday gathering or function with family and friends. Then kindly and compassionately honor that desire for yourself. Also know that it doesn’t just have to be a pipe dream! You can create some of those interactions by being deliberate and intentional. If you can tell yourself how nice it would be if things actually went that way, take it a step further and envision it.
Give What You Wish Away
If you want loving hugs, give them first. If you want validation, give it. Send others loving thoughts and affirmations. If you want an enthusiastic and welcoming greeting, say hello in a loving manner. If you want someone to listen to a story, listen to theirs. If you would like help in the kitchen, offer to help someone else with their dish. It’s that easy. Most people mirror back what they receive.
Give What You Wish to Yourself
Give yourself loving thoughts and affirmations. Nothing is as powerful as self-talk and when you’re talking nicely to yourself any insults or rude comments, wash away. Positive self talk creates power, which minimizes and even diminishes insults.
What’s Your Energy?
Even before you walk in or guests arrive, check in with how you are feeling. Get clear on your own energy and see if you can create the vibe you want. How can you stay there? What will it take? Then take it a step further and imagine you getting triggered by a comment. Know that you might, think about how you wish to respond, and how you will create a boundary to stay in the energy zone you worked hard to create?
Have a Mantra Ready
Do you know what you can say to yourself to help support you? Having mantras that resonate with you is imperative. Can you say to yourself “this isn’t about me, it’s about them?” Or can you say, “You are a great person.” or “You are in your alpha brain, your high brain and they are not! Don’t allow them to take you on the elevator down and join them in their beta brain or low brain.”
Be Open and Curious
Be ready to remain open and curious to another point of view. Why does a family member’s viewpoint make you feel so righteous to prove yours? There isn’t really a right or wrong way to think. We can’t argue our “right way” and wish away their “wrong way”. But we can wonder why they have their opinion. We can say, “tell me more”. It really offers some insight and we might realize how someone else arrived at said opinion.
Hold Compassion
Can you hold compassion for another? Do you know that some people make comments out of habit, or perhaps they truly have never been taught any better or have different way of thinking? Their judgment of you is about their fear of something. Ask open ended questions to respond to their comments.
Judge Lest Be Judged
Perhaps there’s a little wiggle room for holding space for your family even if its slightly rooted in fear. You won’t judge them because you know if you do, you will be judged. That’s OK if it helps you to stay out of judgment. This is especially true in front of your children. There is nothing worse than kids hearing parents complain about family members the minute you leave an event. Real conversations about the fact that people have differing opinions is great. Teaching that you can still love them without agreeing with them is the spirit we need to model for our kids. It builds trust and confidence; it allows them to know they can critically think and disagree without judging their loved ones.
Re-evaluate Traditions
Speaking of critical thinking — do you know why you have certain traditions? Are they working for you? Have you reflected after engaging in them? Its OK to forge your own traditions and to let go of ones that don’t serve you or your family. Overdoing activities during this season can add unnecessary stress and take the fun out celebrating. Reflecting is a great way to check on each activity.
Now that you’ve taken these steps you may be more able to enjoy spending time with loved ones. You CAN have the holiday season you desire. You may still get stressed or overwhelmed but you might also find moments of awe and wonder. You might feel love and joy. That’s what this season is all about.
